12/27/14
Something about the surgery process that
really took me by surprise, was depression. I did not expect to feel
depressed after the surgery and indeed for the first few days I was
deliriously happy. I thought I would just have waves and waves of
energy and be diligently working away at my laptop, but all I want to
do is sleep.
Life is about about killing some time, so I can go back
to sleep. Most of what I want to do is outside of my capabilities
right now. Like going over to the kitchen to work on my candy recipes
and working on the remodel for the new store. The things I can do I
just can't muster the slightest resolve to do. Like looking up
products on line and setting up my inventory. But all I want to do
kill some time until I can just crawl back into bed and sleep.
I am ordering a
counter top cooker, to work on my candy recipes. I'm really close on
the Pralines. The last batch I made, before I went in the hospital,
we're really close. I could taste what I've been looking from the
Pralines and with a little tweaking, I'll have that flavor I've been
looking for. I haven't been able to make a batch since that one. It's
frustrating. I'm almost there. I feel like if I can just get a week
in the kitchen, I'll be able to get it perfect. So I think I'll be
much happier when I'm back to work on that. I have several variations
that I'm excited about, but they all hinge on the mother recipe.
In one way I'm a
little more restricted right now than I was before the surgery. Aside taking a risk so great, that might actually break my hip, I didn't worry about damaging my hip any further,
because they were already going to cut it out either way. Now it's a whole
different story. One with knights, dragons, and plain old guys who
can walk again, after not being able to for years eternal. Have I
mentioned that I'm also emotional?
Dec 28 2014
I'm really excited about the results of the first surgery. When I do PT, it's the left hip, the one I still have to get surgery on, that's holding me back. My right toes are pointed forward for the first time in I don't know how long. I like to watch my right leg move when I'm walking with the walker. So I'm really looking forward to getting the other hip done.
Dec 31 2014
I got my staples out
today and saw an x-ray of my hip. There's a big long screw going up
through my pelvis holding in a new socket and a metal rod in my femur
supporting my new ceramic femoral head. It was a very other-worldly
feeling looking at the x-ray. Every thing checked out fine. I didn't
have my phone in the x-ray room, so I didn't get a picture.
My scar
looks good. I had a nurse in the hospital say he'd seen them twice as
long. It was the first time I'd been out of the house since I got
home from the hospital and that in itself was strange, sort of like being on an alien planet. Like earth, but not quite. I've got the
okay to start driving, so we're going to go out and do some grocery
shopping.
January 7th 2015
Recovery from hip
surgery continues to go as well as possible. For the last ten years my pain has only
increased and my right hip was especially painful, because of all the
bone fragments, and spurs, around the femoral head. The surgery went into overtime,
because some of the bone fragments had stabbed into both the ball and
socket of the joint, nailing my hip to my pelvis. Usually they can
pull the femoral head out, but he had to chisel it out. Then go in
and clean out all the bone fragments before he could put
the new hip joint in.
The speed at which I
have recovered from this tremendously invasive surgery has been
amazing. I am thrilled and excited to get the second surgery behind
me. I don't look forward to the day of surgery and the week to
follow, but day 8, yes I can't wait to reach sweet day 8 after my second
surgery.
Because of my
left hip, I've
reached a ceiling with my current physical therapy. It's still welded in place and extremely painful. So I
can't make any serious attempt at walking. I tried taking a step. I
could hear my brain saying the command, but the legs couldn't
respond. It wasn't possible without both of my canes. I'm going to
strengthen my right hip as much as I can, but the real healing begins
once that left hip is replaced.
January 8, 2015
It continues to be
bitter cold outside. I got my hair cut today and it made me feel
ready to work. Nothing like a good hair cut to make you feel fresh.
Through circumstance my hair had gotten pretty long and with all the
static electricity of winter it was driving me crazy sticking to my
face, and matting against my head, while at the same time sending
stray hairs out like I was hooked up to a Tesla Coil.
I'm still sort of
lost in a cloud of limbo. It all doesn't seem real and aside from the
pain being gone, which is no small potato. My ability to get around
has not changed greatly, because the left hip holds me back. I can
feel the difference in a lot of ways like going up the stairs, I now
lead with my right foot. My leg lifts straight up to the next stair.
Amazing... Then drag my left leg up. Before my right leg would not
function as a stair leg. I would twist my body and bend my knee to
get my left toes up on the tread then I would lift myself up pushing with my toes and using
the banister and my canes for lift. Holding both canes in one hand, spread apart gives me a rolling surface of contact points as I lift myself up.
One major change
from the first couple of weeks is that I have started being able to
do things again. I've been working on a new character for Arkansas
Pond Friends and it's so complicated that a thousand things can go
wrong. The character is a stork, search for a video of a stork
folding his wings. It's not a simple flap to the side. That wing
folds every which way. (This is
the point, in the explanation, that most
people's eyes gloss over. I start to babble with
animation lingo that, if you don't want to learn animation you don't
need to know, so you may want to stop reading at this point and go to
the next paragraph.)Every feather has to have a bone to
control it and they have to all work together, with all the weight
maps, which each tell its feather or body part how to react to a
bone's movement and the movement of all the bones surround it. It has
to be perfect. Right now I have five feather bones that have somehow
locked into other parts of the body in ways they are not supposed to
and I have to chase down the reason, or re-plot their maps, which is
extremely tedious, but you reach a point where it becomes faster.
This is all work I
could have been doing, these last several days, instead of zoning out
to videos, but I just couldn't bring myself to to wheel over there
and turn on the animation computer. I could have spent hours working
on it, without worrying that I should be doing something else,
because all I was supposed to be doing was healing and that was a
perfect healing activity. But no matter how hard I tried to will
myself to do it, I just laid in bed watching videos on the laptop,
like a Matrix pod. There were some terrifying moments that I ventured
to think that my creativity was some how attached to that right hip
bone, or the mess that it had become.
Now I am back on
line, working on my stork, and feeling good about it. While I haven't
got it off the ground yet, I have come over some high hurtles and I'm
confident I'll be able to get my bird flying and me walking and
that's a lot to feel good about.
01/16/15
Last night I had a dream that I had gotten through my second surgery and I was going all around town showing all my friends, that only know me as being crippled, that I could walk. It felt like I was flying. Then when I woke up and as with other dreams where I have been able to walk, I believed for a moment that I could walk. Then I realized it was just a dream and I was momentarily crestfallen. But I did not fall into my usual despair, because for the first time since I started having dreams about being able to walk, I knew it was a dream that could come true and soon.
That morning, when I was alone in the
hallway, I picked up my canes and willed my self to walk and I took
three steps with each leg. Then I went in the living room and showed
Sandra I could take three steps, something I haven't been able to do
in years. With no pain in my new right hip, I could take everything
my left hip had to dish out and I knew that if the left was like the right
I would be able to walk. I know from the weakness in my legs that it
won't be far to start, but I know that now instead of getting worse
every day, as it's been for the last ten years, I will be getting
better every day and that's a future I can happily look forward to.
New Left hip coming in two weeks and three days.
Thank you very much
to all of you that have been so supportive, it really has helped me
push through.
Please share,
because I haven't been posting much with all that's been going on,
and facebook doesn't put you out much when you don't play.
Finally here's a video about how my new hip feels.
I'm
still learning how to do the blog and embedding videos from YouTube is a
pain and they don't allow a full size load here, so if you would like
to see this video full size, follow this link.
01/30/15
Because my new right
leg is marching straight and true, I have pushed my left leg too
hard. It put me in bed for three days and has not gotten better. The
change in the position of my left hip has put the whole socket in
fresh groves. I always knew when there was a shift to some new bone
in my hip. It would start with stabbing pain and for several days
it would be especially bad until the nerves were killed, or the bone
built up some callous. This time it's the whole hip. It's all fresh
bone and it's so lit up any movement at all sends shock-waves down my
leg. My leg feels like a bladder of Jello and nerves, held up with a stocking and
the pain just rolls up and down the leg like you were jamming the
heal, of the jello stocking, against the floor.
There has been no
relief, it's like my left hips last hurrah. I guess it's nature's way
of encouraging me to have my surgery.
02/02/15
Last day at home.
Going to the hospital tonight. Feeling jittery.
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