1st Recovery: The Days Between the Hip Surgeries

12/27/14

 

Something about the surgery process that really took me by surprise, was depression. I did not expect to feel depressed after the surgery and indeed for the first few days I was deliriously happy. I thought I would just have waves and waves of energy and be diligently working away at my laptop, but all I want to do is sleep. 

Life is about about killing some time, so I can go back to sleep. Most of what I want to do is outside of my capabilities right now. Like going over to the kitchen to work on my candy recipes and working on the remodel for the new store. The things I can do I just can't muster the slightest resolve to do. Like looking up products on line and setting up my inventory. But all I want to do kill some time until I can just crawl back into bed and sleep.

I am ordering a counter top cooker, to work on my candy recipes. I'm really close on the Pralines. The last batch I made, before I went in the hospital, we're really close. I could taste what I've been looking from the Pralines and with a little tweaking, I'll have that flavor I've been looking for. I haven't been able to make a batch since that one. It's frustrating. I'm almost there. I feel like if I can just get a week in the kitchen, I'll be able to get it perfect. So I think I'll be much happier when I'm back to work on that. I have several variations that I'm excited about, but they all hinge on the mother recipe.

In one way I'm a little more restricted right now than I was before the surgery. Aside taking a risk so great, that might actually break my hip, I didn't worry about damaging my hip any further, because they were already going to cut it out either way. Now it's a whole different story. One with knights, dragons, and plain old guys who can walk again, after not being able to for years eternal. Have I mentioned that I'm also emotional?

Dec 28 2014

I'm really excited about the results of the first surgery. When I do PT, it's the left hip, the one I still have to get surgery on, that's holding me back. My right toes are pointed forward for the first time in I don't know how long. I like to watch my right leg move when I'm walking with the walker. So I'm really looking forward to getting the other hip done.

Dec 31 2014

I got my staples out today and saw an x-ray of my hip. There's a big long screw going up through my pelvis holding in a new socket and a metal rod in my femur supporting my new ceramic femoral head. It was a very other-worldly feeling looking at the x-ray. Every thing checked out fine. I didn't have my phone in the x-ray room, so I didn't get a picture.

My scar looks good. I had a nurse in the hospital say he'd seen them twice as long. It was the first time I'd been out of the house since I got home from the hospital and that in itself was strange, sort of like being on an alien planet. Like earth, but not quite. I've got the okay to start driving, so we're going to go out and do some grocery shopping.

January 7^th 2015

Recovery from hip surgery continues to go as well as possible. For the last ten years my pain has only increased and my right hip was especially painful, because of all the bone fragments, and spurs, around the femoral head. The surgery went into overtime, because some of the bone fragments had stabbed into both the ball and socket of the joint, nailing my hip to my pelvis. Usually they can pull the femoral head out, but he had to chisel it out. Then go in and clean out all the bone fragments before he could put the new hip joint in.

The speed at which I have recovered from this tremendously invasive surgery has been amazing. I am thrilled and excited to get the second surgery behind me. I don't look forward to the day of surgery and the week to follow, but day 8, yes I can't wait to reach sweet day 8 after my second surgery.

Because of my left hip, I've reached a ceiling with my current physical therapy. It's still welded in place and extremely painful. So I can't make any serious attempt at walking. I tried taking a step. I could hear my brain saying the command, but the legs couldn't respond. It wasn't possible without both of my canes. I'm going to strengthen my right hip as much as I can, but the real healing begins once that left hip is replaced.

January 8, 2015

It continues to be bitter cold outside. I got my hair cut today and it made me feel ready to work. Nothing like a good hair cut to make you feel fresh. Through circumstance my hair had gotten pretty long and with all the static electricity of winter it was driving me crazy sticking to my face, and matting against my head, while at the same time sending stray hairs out like I was hooked up to a Tesla Coil.

I'm still sort of lost in a cloud of limbo. It all doesn't seem real and aside from the pain being gone, which is no small potato. My ability to get around has not changed greatly, because the left hip holds me back. I can feel the difference in a lot of ways like going up the stairs, I now lead with my right foot. My leg lifts straight up to the next stair. Amazing... Then drag my left leg up. Before my right leg would not function as a stair leg. I would twist my body and bend my knee to get my left toes up on the tread then I would lift myself up pushing with my toes and using the banister and my canes for lift. Holding both canes in one hand, spread apart gives me a rolling surface of contact points as I lift myself up.

One major change from the first couple of weeks is that I have started being able to do things again. I've been working on a new character for Arkansas Pond Friends and it's so complicated that a thousand things can go wrong. The character is a stork, search for a video of a stork folding his wings. It's not a simple flap to the side. That wing folds every which way. (This is the point, in the explanation, that most people's eyes gloss over. I start to babble with animation lingo that, if you don't want to learn animation you don't need to know, so you may want to stop reading at this point and go to the next paragraph.)Every feather has to have a bone to control it and they have to all work together, with all the weight maps, which each tell its feather or body part how to react to a bone's movement and the movement of all the bones surround it. It has to be perfect. Right now I have five feather bones that have somehow locked into other parts of the body in ways they are not supposed to and I have to chase down the reason, or re-plot their maps, which is extremely tedious, but you reach a point where it becomes faster.

This is all work I could have been doing, these last several days, instead of zoning out to videos, but I just couldn't bring myself to to wheel over there and turn on the animation computer. I could have spent hours working on it, without worrying that I should be doing something else, because all I was supposed to be doing was healing and that was a perfect healing activity. But no matter how hard I tried to will myself to do it, I just laid in bed watching videos on the laptop, like a Matrix pod. There were some terrifying moments that I ventured to think that my creativity was some how attached to that right hip bone, or the mess that it had become.

Now I am back on line, working on my stork, and feeling good about it. While I haven't got it off the ground yet, I have come over some high hurtles and I'm confident I'll be able to get my bird flying and me walking and that's a lot to feel good about.

01/16/15

Last night I had a dream that I had gotten through my second surgery and I was going all around town showing all my friends, that only know me as being crippled, that I could walk. It felt like I was flying. Then when I woke up and as with other dreams where I have been able to walk, I believed for a moment that I could walk. Then I realized it was just a dream and I was momentarily crestfallen. But I did not fall into my usual despair, because for the first time since I started having dreams about being able to walk, I knew it was a dream that could come true and soon. 

That morning, when I was alone in the hallway, I picked up my canes and willed my self to walk and I took three steps with each leg. Then I went in the living room and showed Sandra I could take three steps, something I haven't been able to do in years. With no pain in my new right hip, I could take everything my left hip had to dish out and I knew that if the left was like the right I would be able to walk. I know from the weakness in my legs that it won't be far to start, but I know that now instead of getting worse every day, as it's been for the last ten years, I will be getting better every day and that's a future I can happily look forward to. New Left hip coming in two weeks and three days.

 

Thank you very much to all of you that have been so supportive, it really has helped me push through.

Please share, because I haven't been posting much with all that's been going on, and facebook doesn't put you out much when you don't play.

Finally here's a video about how my new hip feels. 

 

 

I'm still learning how to do the blog and embedding videos from YouTube is a pain and they don't allow a full size load here, so if you would like to see this video full size, follow this link.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=atGNYCsE4jg

01/30/15

Because my new right leg is marching straight and true, I have pushed my left leg too hard. It put me in bed for three days and has not gotten better. The change in the position of my left hip has put the whole socket in fresh groves. I always knew when there was a shift to some new bone in my hip. It would start with stabbing pain and for several days it would be especially bad until the nerves were killed, or the bone built up some callous. This time it's the whole hip. It's all fresh bone and it's so lit up any movement at all sends shock-waves down my leg. My leg feels like a bladder of Jello and nerves, held up with a stocking and the pain just rolls up and down the leg like you were jamming the heal, of the jello stocking, against the floor.

There has been no relief, it's like my left hips last hurrah. I guess it's nature's way of encouraging me to have my surgery.

02/02/15

Last day at home. Going to the hospital tonight. Feeling jittery.

Movie Recommendation - JD's Revenge

There are a lot of reasons why a Black actor, in a 1976 Blaxploitation horror film, would not get nominated for an Oscar, but if such a thing were possible, Glynn Turman would have gotten the Oscar for his portrayal of Isaac, a man possessed by a long dead mobster, out for revenge. The story and production values of this film are excellent. I'm sure way over, in quality, compared to whatever budget this film got, but the unforgettable thing is Glynn Turman's acting. Without any special effects he changes, right before you eyes, into an entirely different man. His face seems to take on a new bone structure and his change in persona is epic.

It is absolutely intriguing to see the transformation as Turman goes from a college student working his way through college as taxi driver, to J.D Walker, a slick hustler, from the 40s, who was killed after witnessing his sister's murder. As Isaac is taken over by JD he also inherits his mannerisms, hair style, and psychopathic behavior. JD sets out for maniacal revenge against the still living murders of his sister.

One of the reasons that I really enjoy a film like this, is that it's a time capsule that shows where a brother stood in the world of 1976. It gives me insight in a world outside my own. You get a chance to see how things have changed and how they've stayed the same, because one thing films do is reflect the real times they're made in. It's like, you can look at some Sci Fi films and know they're from the 80s, because the wardrobe people just took the clothes, kids and rock stars were wearing at the time, right off the rack. Then sewed some extra braiding on for the officers uniforms and spikes on the bad guy uniforms. It was an easy time for budget cinema sci fi. 

This film hits on all cylinders. If you are a fan of excellent cinema, you owe it to yourself to watch this flick.

The film deals with harsh themes and violence so I would not say it was appropriate for younger viewers. Picked up at the Berryville Public Library 

Full film description on wikipedia

How I felt after the First Surgery

6 Days to go for the second surgery!

My first surgery went really well. I forgot my phone when I had my x-ray, so I didn't get a picture, but it looks something like this. When I do get a picture I'll swap it out.

Not My hip. Mine only had one screw, also I believe this is a woman.

My right leg is doing so well that my left leg is screaming like a detainee in GITMO. I had to stop my PT, because what the right one was doing was killing the left one. I'm going in Monday night for the second surgery (Tues morning). I'm still going to have the left knee to deal with, but the drop in pain from having my right hip done is amazing and I'm hoping that some of the pain in the knee is actually radiating down from the hip, because it sure feels that way.

I've got a great surgeon and don't think I could do better anywhere. Recovery was textbook, couldn't have gone any quicker. The worst part is the first three days, it hurt bad, the second that ice pack would melt or I hit the end of my meds, it was glory hallelujah! That smarts. I wished they'd just knock me out, but it does get better every day.

When I first woke up, It was a tie for the worst pain I had ever felt. Nothing, but nothing, is going to beat pushing out that baby. Kidding, kidding, I kid. I got hurt diving and I had to get my shoulder rebuilt. When I came out of surgery, the pain was so bad I couldn't focus my eyes. But that pain, was a much smaller area and shorter duration than the hip. So I'm not looking forward to waking up, on Tuesday, after the surgery, but on the other hand, I really can't wait to wake up, on Tuesday, after the surgery.

They told me my pain would be down by half the next day and it was really true. I didn't believe them. I thought they were lying to me like I was a child. The second day was like the second worse pain I ever felt, but it was honestly half of what it had been the day before. By Thursday, the pain cut in half again and as long as I had an icepack on the wound and kept up on the meds, it was fine. I was incapacitated for about a week, then I got steadily more mobile, until I pushed to far and then my left leg put me on my back, I was in bed for three days and I'm still having a lot of trouble getting around. I have to stop taking my anti-inflammatory 10 days before the surgery and I really needed it. Without that, once my hip gets really inflamed, several days of bed rest is the only thing that helps.

They could have taken the 28 staples out at ten days, but I didn't get around to it until two weeks. The nurse that took them out, said they were really tugging because the wound was completely closed, so my incision healed perfectly. I was driving after that. The nurse who took off my first bandage (They leave it on for two days.) Told me, he had seen incisions twice as long as mine.

Every one at the hospital just worships young Dr. Young. Kidding, his name is really Sadani. The guy could play a doctor on TV though. Very professional, at the top of his game. At one point, he said, the severe cases like mine were surgeries he really liked doing. That gave me a high degree of confidence, because it told me this man really enjoyed his work. I was definitely pushing the boundaries. Usually he just pulls the femoral head (ball at the end of your femur) out of the socket. He had to chisel mine out. The bone shards had dug into the ball and the socket, welding my hip together. So every time I took a step, those bone points were digging deeper into the surrounding bone. It is stunning to me that I don't have pain in that hip anymore.

This all makes me feel confident about the second surgery. Everyone at the hospital was really nice. The room is large and I can take my laptop with me and watch Netflix, because post surgery all I want to do is veg. The less I move the better. I was bummed when they took the catheter out. Then I had to deal with that up spout urinal, with legs that wouldn't separate. It was so much trouble that I really had to cut back on the beer I brought with me. Kidding, I kid, I'm a kidder.

Here's to one on the left like the one on the right! I'll post from the hospital next week.

Posts From the Hospital

December 15, 2015

I'm in the hospital. They let you check in the night before which was great, because my surgery is a 7 and getting here in the morning would have been a nightmare. Everyone is really nice and I have great confidence in my doctor and the staff here. I can't believe this is really happening. It's been so long since I've been able to walk. I'll need to get the left hip done before I can actually walk, but this is one step closer. So weird that when I leave here I'll have a new hip and a big bone to make soup with. I'll post after I get back to the room. Thank you for all the support and kind words. Please share this so I can keep everyone up to date.

December 16, 2015

It's alive. It's alive! The doctor said he took the biggest bone shard he'd ever seen out of my hip. So I'm setting records here. Thank you for all the kind thoughts.

 

December 16, 2015

Well I stood up and walked 5 feet with the help of two people holding me up and a walker. It only took me about 15 minutes! So I'm getting faster already! 

 

December 17, 2015

This is my breathing exerciser it measures the volume of my breath. I have to take 10 deep breaths an hour through it to prevent pneumonia. It is harder than it sounds because it's got a float gauge that you have to pull up and keep between the lines, then you have to draw the piston up to your goal mark which is kind of hard to do hunched over in a bed, but it opens up those little sacks in your lung and keep fluid from building up in you lungs. 

I walked, with a walker and great concentration 300 feet this morning. I only had to do 200 to get out of here by tomorrow. So Now I've just got to get up and down some stairs by tomorrow and I can go home tomorrow night. The pain has reduced significantly from yesterday. They told me it would, but I was in so much pain yesterday that I didn't believe one day could make that much difference, but it did. I'm still in a lot of pain, but compared to yesterday it's a whole different world. Just getting out of bed and going 2 feet to a chair and sitting down yesterday turned me into a girly man. I was screaming through most of the process. Today only grunts and chewed lips. The fact that I've been completely supporting my weight for years with canes and walkers has given me a leg up for rehab, because I don't have any trouble holding myself up. Thank you, to everyone, for the kind and supporting comments they have really kept my spirits up. I'm going to invite everyone over for some very special soup when I get home. ;o)

December 18, 2015

I just had my first shower since Tuesday morning which felt really great except I was feeling queasy from doing my PT and climbing the stairs. Fortunately there was a toilet with hand rails right outside the shower, because I threw up like a college freshman in pledge week, the minute I stepped out of the shower. Now that I've done stairs and made potty, I'm officially cut loose day early. Sandra is on here way to get me and I even saved her my cake from lunch which I'm especially happy about at this point ;o) Now I've got three weeks in home PT 3 times a week. Though I'll be doing the exercises every day. 

A big thank you to everyone that encouraged me along the way it has been an emotional journey and there is still quite a ways to go. Now I just have to do it all over again in six weeks. If I wave to you from the window of the hotel and don't invite you in, please don't be offended. We have an inside cat, that would mean my death if I let out, and I'm not moving fast enough to keep her in, if I open the door. ;o) Please share this so everyone gets the word, Mama, I'm heading home. I'm finally getting what I wanted for Christmas for the last six years. Yeah!!!!!!!!!! Peace and love to all.

After I got home

December 24, 2015

Hello from recovery hall. I'm still doing well, just a lot more tired than I thought I'd be. I want to wish everyone a MERRY CHRISTMAS! I got what I wanted, to start my hip replacements. And Sandra said she got what she wanted, I didn't die. She said she would kill me, if I died. A threat I took very seriously and so I made sure to live.

01/16/15

Last night I had a dream that I had gotten through my second surgery and I was going all around town showing all my friends, that only know me as being crippled, that I could walk. It felt like I was flying. Then when I woke up and as with other dreams where I have been able to walk, I believed for a moment that I could walk. Then I realized it was just a dream and I was momentarily crestfallen. But I did not fall into my usual despair, because for the first time since I started having dreams about being able to walk, I knew it was a dream that could come true and soon. 

That morning, when I was alone in the hallway, I picked up my canes and willed my self to walk and I took three steps with each leg. Then I went in the living room and showed Sandra I could take three steps, something I haven't been able to do in years. With no pain in my new right hip, I could take everything my left hip had to dish out and I knew if the left was like the right I would be able to walk. I know from the weakness in my legs that it won't be far to start, but I know that now instead of getting worse every day, as it's been for the last ten years, I will be getting better every day and that's a future I can happily look forward to. New Left hip coming in two weeks and three days.

 

Thank you very much to all of you that have been so supportive, it really has helped me push through.

Please share, because I haven't been posting much with all that's been going on, and facebook doesn't put you out much when you don't play.

Finally here's a video about how my new hip feels.

I'm still learning how to do the blog and embedding videos from YouTube is a pain and they don't allow a full size load here, so if you would like to see this video full size, follow this link.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=atGNYCsE4jg

 

 

 

 

My Hip Replacements - How I felt before the first surgery.

It's been over 5 years since I lost the ability to walk. I've had to use two canes, crutches, or a walker to walk beyond a few baby steps for so long that I now equate the act of walking with flying. When I watch movies I don't wow at the explosive kung fu action, I'm watching in amazement that people are walking without canes. How do they keep from tipping over? I especially watch people who are obviously much older than me and that really makes me ooo and ahhh.

If I have an errand to run, forgetting something critical, once I've navigated my way into the seat of the van is devastating. Something that could almost make me break down. It is so hard and painful to do this simple thing, the thought of getting out of the van, going back up the stairs, into the building, and starting all over again is like pulling your homemade lasagne out of the oven, burning your fingers and dropping the whole roll on your bare foot, hard enough to shatter the Pyrex baking pan.

Every Christmas, for the past several years, I've joked that I was Tiny Tim, not the folk lore singer of Laugh-In fame, but the little crippled kid in the Christmas Carol. “All I want for Christmas in to be able to walk.” It has been very frustrating knowing I could be fixed but not able to do anything about it. To be grinding my bones together day in and out, because I didn't want to give up on my passion with the restaurant. I knew it would take an incredible amount of money to reopen after a long closing and that was something I didn't have. Closing meant, CLOSING. But once I got down to only being able to open three and a half days a week and I was in worse pain than ever, basically at work or in bed, it was time to call it a day.

I was so frustrated with my life back in 2011 that I felt compelled to make the whitest rap video in history.

 

This is the highest resolution I can upload here. You can watch it full size on my Youtube channel: My52Pickup

Every time I think about the upcoming surgery, It's like I was hit in the head with a baseball bat, dead center on the forehead. But it doesn't cause the pain, only the disorientation that goes along with someone smacking you with all their might. For so long, it's been something that was in the distant unknown future in a Galaxy far, fat, away. I had started to believe it would never happen.

I tried talking to some of my friends about the surgery, but can't. Any time I broach the subject, a story, instantly pops up, about someone's centennial grandmother. Who, after having surgery, got up, drove home, stopped at the store on the way to pick up T-bones for dinner. Then at home picked the vegetables from her organic garden to complete the meal, but not before weeding all the outside rows and edges. Then the next morning after she finished teaching her Taekwondo class, to 30 eighth graders with ADHD, she went for a 15 mile march, through the woods, over rough terrain, with a backpack loaded with a camp stove and all the fixings, to make her grand mother's dinner. Because her mother's getting to old to cook her own lost children and she needs a little help.

I know people mean well and are trying to reassure me. But it puts a lot of pressure on me to, as the Russian's saying goes, “Don't be a wimp.” Well they actually they say pussy, but I'm too much of a wimp to say that.

My point is that this is a wildly transitional event in my life that will effect me like no other single event ever has other than being born in the first place. I tell myself I'll be able to walk, but there's a part of me that doesn't believe it, so I won't be completely crushed if it doesn't happen. I'm meditating a lot, trying to keep my head clear, trying not to freak, and taking life as it comes. It's so unknown, I feel like I'm stepping off into space.  

  Geronimo!   

Recomended Movie: Compañeros (original release title: Vamos a matar, compañeros)

Lovers of Spaghetti Westerns Rejoice! If you have not seen Companeros recently, or not at all, check out this film. Franco Nero and Tomas Milian play off each other perfectly and who can resist a one armed Jack Palance. One armed because his companion hawk freed him from crucifixion, by eating his arm off. Jack Palance is a totally whacked oil company enforcer. Who uses every evil torture, including a big fat starving rat in a basket. This movie has scenes that will blow your mind and make your jaw drop.

Spaghetti Westerns, Godzilla, and Kung Fu movies were the only reason I knew there we're any foreign films when I was growing up in a world film with 3 and a ½ TV Stations: The networks and PBS on the UHF if you got the foil wrapped, just right, on that thick wire loop screwed in to the back of the TV, just below the rabbit ears brown flat wire.

So in Junior high school, when my father was transferred to Sasebo, Japan, a whole world of cinema opened up to me.  Without American TV to fill my life, I spent most of my time just wandering around Sasebo. Sometimes with some Temp friends, (When you moved as much as we did, you understand after 2 years you're never going to see the people you're hanging out with again). Other times I'd wander alone because I liked to study things and that just made me even weirder to the other military brats, so I spent a good deal of time by myself.

The crime rate was basically nonexistent, so even though I was only 12, I had free rein in the town. I took cabs, rode my bike all around town, or walked for miles exploring the city. I spent a lot of afternoons in Japanese Movie Houses. Instead of multiple screens, these theaters played different movies in a single large theater. It was possible to go into the theater at 10 o'clock in the morning and not get out until 7 or 8 at night, without seeing the same movie twice. When Enter the Dragon, with Bruce Lee, came out it was only a double feature and I sat and watched it 3 times. I can't even remember what the other movie was, even though I watched it twice, But, Enter the Dragon, I still check out that movie every year, or so. We returned to the States in the summer of 74 and it wasn't until I got old enough to drive and find an art-house theater that I was able to see foreign films with any frequency again and when VHS came down the pipe I really started exploring the world through film.

I especially like to watch good lower budget foreign films that are shot on location. The backgrounds are real and there's a lot of gabbing a handy person who actually does, whatever it is you want to get on the screen, from bull fighting, to cooking in an authentic way, or just sitting on a bench feeding pigeons. If the film is historical you get to see history from their perspective. So you get to see some reality of the country that the film came from. How they see the past. A good example of this is Marketa Lazarov̀a a 1969 Czech master piece about a feud between two rival medieval clans. It is a gritty, believable, look at medieval life in somewhere other than Britain, France, or Venice. I'll be recommending that film next.

"Companeros" poster by Source. Licensed under Fair use via Wikipedia - http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/File:Companeros.jpg#mediaviewer/File:Companeros.jpg

011115 – Political Rant - Turning the USA into North Korea

People like the Koch Brothers look at North Korea and they see what they would like to do with this country. Got too many poor people, let them starve a million at a time, serving as slave laborers, until enough drop dead that the scraps from the tables of those who think of themselves as gods, can keep the peasants alive. Got too many people that need medical care. Let them die alone in their beds, or state run nursing homes rather than waste expensive capitalist medicine on them. 

The Darkness I see in the eyes, of the cartoonishly evil presence of Dick Chaney, sends shafts of ice through my heart that chill with me with fear of the insanity and power this man can wield. You know he would not so much as blink at killing you, if you were even slightly in his way, and not just because he never ever blinks. 

  

The leering smile of the Koch Brothers, who eyes laugh at the pain and suffering of others, makes me wonder if there's any hope, because the Beast certainly has the reins of absolute power. You can sense their total lack of compassion, or moral compass. They would squash you like a bug, just to see what sort of pattern you'd make on the cement. They don't care if ten thousand people die, or live horribly with disease, and millions of acres and gallons of water are ruined forever, as long as they can squeeze out one more shiny gold coin to add to their stack, so they can feel, one troy ounce more superior to you, than they already do. And they'll never stop, because no amount of wealth can fill the black hole where their souls should reside. When I see their lecherous faces and cold eyes, and hear their hyper capitalist rhetoric, I have not trouble believing that pure evil exists.

Those who support the agendas of these types are at best unwitting accomplices, to the destruction of this planet and of turning life into hell on earth. Or worse, supporting them, knowing the consequences, but caring only for personal gain that comes with it. Hell already exists in many places and on every habitable continent. These power mad vampires want to enslave humanity completely and cut off any upward mobility in life and if possible drink every drop of life the world has to give.

“The greatest trick the Devil ever pulled was convincing the world he didn’t exist.”

Charles Baudelaire